


patience

by girlonthelasttrain



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, F/F, Femslash February, Holding Hands, Homesickness, Lunch, Trill Culture (Star Trek)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22696546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlonthelasttrain/pseuds/girlonthelasttrain
Summary: “I thought eating azna would be enough to calm me down, but I was wrong.” Lenara didn’t hold Jadzia’s gaze for very long, like she was ashamed of something. “I’ve been missing home— I mean Trill, terribly lately.”Jadzia frowned. She’d had no idea.Jadzia and Lenara share a meal (and some feelings) at the replimat.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Lenara Kahn
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31
Collections: Star Trek Femslash Prompt Meme





	patience

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [isloremipsumafterall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isloremipsumafterall/pseuds/isloremipsumafterall) for reading this over! All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> I wrote this in response to the prompt "Jadzia/Lenara, patience" on dreamwidth. This fic is set in an AU where Lenara decided to move to DS9 after the end of the Dominion occupation. She and Jadzia have also been in a long-distance relationship since the events of "Rejoined".

Jadzia spotted Lenara’s green tunic among the crowd in front of the replimat, and broke into a light jog until she was at her side. She tapped on Lenara’s shoulders and was rewarded with a wide-eyed smile.

“Sorry I’m late, got held up in Ops,” Jadzia said.

“I just got here myself,” Lenara replied. She turned to look at the people in front of them, awaiting their turn at the replicator. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a better place in the queue.”

Jadzia smirked. “I think I earned the right to stretch my lunch break today. Benjamin kept me in his office all morning. I hit myself in the head with his baseball, too.”

“Hmm-mmh,” Lenara said.

Jadzia frowned. That wasn’t the reaction she’d hoped to get by mentioning her incident. Was there something she’d missed? Lenara’s eyes were unfocused in the distance, her arms crossed on her chest. Jadzia’s stomach dropped: if she’d done something to offend Lenara, she had no idea what it could be.

“Are you alright?” Jadzia asked tentatively.

Lenara turned towards her and blinked, like the question had caught her off guard. “I was lost in thought, sorry.”

“I noticed.”

Lenara sighed, her shoulders slumping. “And I didn’t quite catch what you were saying.”

“Just that I managed to hit myself in the head while I was trying to catch Benjamin’s baseball.”

“Now that’s an impressive feat. Did it hurt?”

“A little. That ball is _heavy_. I hope I won’t get a bump,” Jadzia added, touching the still aching spot on her temple.

Lenara took Jadzia’s hand in her own, her thumb drawing circles on the back of Jadzia’s hand. Jadzia had to exercise some restraint to not smile like a lunatic at that gesture; she could still hardly believe that they were able to just hold hands like that, in the middle of the station. Plus, it was vaguely embarrassing to admit that she found the physical contact both reassuring and thrilling. After 356 years it was probably inappropriate to behave like a teenager, but Jadzia shrugged the feeling away. It was her own life, and she was going to live it however she wanted.

She was about to remark on this to Lenara, but she found the woman at her side again lost in thought, her expression difficult to decipher.

“Lenara,” Jadzia called again, tugging slightly on their linked hands. “Is something bothering you?”

Lenara looked at her, then lowered her eyes. “It’s nothing. I’m just having a weird morning.”

It was uncharacteristic of Lenara to be so evasive. The queue advanced again and they both reflexively followed.

“You know that if there’s something wrong you can tell me,” Jadzia muttered, sensing that the matter was best kept between the two of them.

“I know.” Lenara closed her eyes. “But I also have no one else to talk about it here, and it’s unfair to dump everything onto you.”

Jadzia squeezed Lenara’s hand. “I think I can handle whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

“It’s not that,” Lenara retorted, mouth set in a serious line. “It’s that here on the station I don’t really know anyone except you.”

“You got here only a few weeks ago,” Jadzia observed. “Give yourself some time, and you’ll get to know people.”

Lenara exhaled, closing her eyes. “I suppose that’s true.”

Jadzia could tell that she wasn’t quite convinced, but barreled on anyway: “In the meantime you can still tell me what’s going on. I promise I’ll listen.”

“And you won’t offer unsolicited advice?” Lenara asked, raising her eyebrow.

Jadzia put her free hand on her chest with a dramatic flourish. “Me? Giving unsolicited advice? You wound me.”

Lenara rolled her eyes. “As if you’ve never overhyped your years of experience.”

“Did someone ever tell you to not talk like that to your elders?”

That earned her a shove, and Jadzia laughed. The Bolian engineer in front of them stepped aside from the replimat, and it was their turn to order. Jadzia let go of Lenara’s hand.

“Steamed azna,” Lenara said.

“Steamed azna?” Jadzia repeated, incredulous.

Unfazed, Lenara took her bowl of unappealing vegetables from the replicator. “You’re holding up the queue.”

Jadzia quickly ordered her own hasperat (extra spicy) and I’danian spice pudding, then strode up to Lenara, who was already on her way to a recently vacated table. They sat down on opposite sides, and Jadzia eyed again Lenara’s lunch with skepticism.

“You have something against steamed azna?” Lenara asked.

“Not at all, I used to eat it all the time when I got here,” Jadzia replied, then smiled wickedly. “When I still thought I had to act like a decrepit old man.”

Lenara made an exaggerated sigh, and picked up her fork. “Poor Dax, having to share a bed with senile old me. I thought you said something about not speaking that way to your elders?”

Jadzia snorted out loud at that, and they both laughed.

“I think I can forgive your bland food choices this time,” Jadzia said, picking up one of the rolls in her plate.

“Well thank you for your _generosity_. Have fun eating that with no drink.”

Startled with the hasperat in midair, Jadzia realized that there was indeed no glass on her side of the table and laughed again. “I completely forgot. I’ll be back in a sec, you can start eating,” she said, rising from her chair.

A couple of minutes later Jadzia was back with a glass of water, only to find Lenara poking morosely at her azna, chin propped up on the palm of her hand.

“Not as good as you thought?” Jadzia asked, sitting down in front of her.

Lenara raised her eyes to her, and shook her head. “It’s actually pretty good for something replicated.”

It seemed that Lenara was still unwilling to explain, but if she didn’t want to talk Jadzia wasn’t going to push her. They’d been together long enough by now that Jadzia could recognize when it was best to change the subject.

Jadzia inquired about Lenara’s morning, and she brightened a little while talking about an interesting set of data from the wormhole she was analyzing. Jadzia was content to listen and offer feedback when requested. After so many months spent talking about strategy and casualties and war reports, it was always relaxing to go back to talking about what used to be Jadzia’s job on the station. It seemed almost a lifetime ago, and she was glad whenever Lenara reminded her of the reasons she’d chosen a Starfleet career.

Jadzia was halfway into her pudding when the conversation died down. Lenara was looking at her now empty bowl, her expression distant again. Jadzia was torn between wanting to ask again what was wrong and leave Lenara some space, but Lenara anticipated her.

“I thought eating azna would be enough to calm me down, but I was wrong.” Lenara didn’t hold Jadzia’s gaze for very long, like she was ashamed of something. “I’ve been missing home— I mean Trill, terribly lately.”

Jadzia frowned. She’d had no idea. “I’m sorry.”

“I know it’s silly,” Lenara continued, still not meeting Jadzia’s eyes. “But I realized the other day that if I’d stayed on Trill it would be time for Mak’ala’s biggest festival.”

“The End-of-Snow festival?”

Lenara nodded. “Yes. The one where every neighborhood builds a bonfire and everyone stays out all night until it burns out.”

“I wish I could have seen that,” Jadzia smiled, distant images coalescing in her mind. “Emony was from Mak’ala, but back then the festival was a much smaller thing. The ban on open fires was still in place, to limit carbon dioxide emissions.”

Lenara looked at her, eyebrows raised. “Oh, I’d forgotten about that. If I’d known you’d never seen it—” her expression crumpled, and she appeared suddenly on the verge of tears.

“Lenara?” Jadzia said, alarmed.

“Depths,” she said, hiding her face behind her hands. “It’s really too late now, isn’t it? I can’t bring you the festival, not now and not ever.” She met Jadzia’s eyes, stricken, and Jadzia’s chest constricted painfully. Lenara continued: “The stupid part is, I never really cared for it before. I don’t like the smoke, or the spiced cider, or freezing outside while the fire runs out. And yet now it feels like I’ve lost this— big part of my life. It doesn’t make sense,” she finished forcefully.

Jadzia reached out to Lenara across the table, taking her hand in her own. “I’m so sorry.”

Infuriatingly, there was nothing else Jadzia could say to reassure Lenara. The war had prevented the Symbiosis Commission from making any official statement regarding Lenara’s presence on the station, but Jadzia was under no illusion that the situation would last for long.

Lenara kept her eyes on their joined hands. “I wish I was done with regretting. I made my decision, and I still think I was right but—”

“Don’t beat yourself up for what you’re feeling,” Jadzia said. “I’m very proud of you for choosing to come here, and that won’t change even if you still miss Trill.”

Lenara closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. “I wish I could be more like you. You’ve— left Trill for good a long time ago.”

“I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on anyone else, much less on you,” Jadzia replied, voice hard. “If I don’t miss our homeworld too much it’s because my own previous host made my life before the joining a nightmare, and I almost died because the Commission couldn’t admit a mistake. And now, with us, the exile.” Jadzia shook her head. “I’m not all that sad to leave that stuff behind, but I still miss my family, and all the places I grew up in.”

Lenara nodded, and held Jadzia’s gaze in silence.

“What are we going to do, Jadzia?” she murmured, after a while.

“I suppose we can only do what we’ve always done,” Jadzia replied. “Live our lives as best as we can. Trying to get comfortable with our discomfort.”

“And time will do the rest?” Lenara replied, raising an eyebrow as she quoted Jadzia’s words back to her.

“Something like that,” Jadzia said, squeezing Lenara’s hand affectionately. “And maybe sic the Federation courts on the Symbiosis Commission for violating the rights of its citizens, once the war is over,” she added with a grin.

“Biding our time, huh.” Lenara sighed. “I guess I’ll have to try and pick up meditation again, and I thought I’d left that behind once I was done with the joining.”

“Ooh, do I hear subtle criticism of the Initiate program? I _really_ am a bad influence on you.”

Lenara snorted, and the tension in Jadzia’s chest loosened. She had been able to cheer Lenara up somewhat, but she could do even better. Jadzia rose from her chair, still holding Lenara’s hand. “Let’s recycle the dishes, and then take a walk on the promenade.”

“Is your lunch break going to last that long?” Lenara inquired, standing up.

“Don’t worry, I know both the captain and the first officer of this station,” Jadzia replied with a wink, to which Lenara snorted again.

“You’re a really lucky Trill, you know,” Lenara said, poking Jadzia’s breastbone with a finger.

“I know,” replied Jadzia as she bent down to kiss Lenara in the middle of the replimat, not caring one bit if people were watching.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been rewatching DS9 (again) and I couldn't resist a reference to steamed azna :^)


End file.
